


Light in the Darkness

by FollyOfWinchester



Series: Nothing Good Will Come [10]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Fingering, Angelic Grace, Angst, Canon Compliant, Coda, Deleted Scenes, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Handprint, Headcanon, Impala Fic, M/M, Masturbation, Missing Scene, Pining, Porn with Feelings, Season/Series 05 Spoilers, Season/Series 06 Spoilers, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Voyeurism, Wings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-15
Updated: 2014-02-15
Packaged: 2018-01-12 14:14:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1188267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FollyOfWinchester/pseuds/FollyOfWinchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel watches a troubled Dean get ready for bed. Set during the Season 5 Coda.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Light in the Darkness

_How would it go? Maybe he'd suddenly be sitting next to me in the front seat, naked, of course. Then he'd give me one of those deadpan greetings like—_

"Goodnight, Dean," Lisa plants a soft kiss to Dean's temple.

Dean blinks away the daydream and starts at the touch as he turns to face her more directly. _Whose life is this and how in the hell did I get here?_ He smiles and returns his mildly vacant gaze to the television. "Be right up."

She traces her fingers from his shoulder to the back of his neck and then huffs out an amused sigh. "I'll believe THAT when I see it." He can practically hear the eye roll. She takes a few steps and then adds, "Just try not to wake Ben when you do come to bed." Dean nods in acknowledgement and leans over the back of the couch to watch her go for a moment. _There goes possibly the most amazing woman I have ever met. Seriously, whose life is this?_

Her footsteps fade until he's left with nothing but the low hum of the television as the station transitions to infomercials. He lets his mind wander back to Cas as he tries to bring the daydream back into focus. He hasn't seen Cas in months and tries not to think about him on a regular basis because it pretty much always puts him in a terrible mood. After all, they didn't part on the greatest terms and he's with Lisa now. He's pretty much resolved to leave everything with Cas behind him and move on, for both their sakes. But then again, he's already in a terrible mood. It's been a really stupid week and he's itching to do something, anything, that could classify as even remotely more exciting than this suburban boringness he's wrapped up in. Lisa's great and all, but something is seriously missing from his day to day. What was Cas up to right now? _Guess he's liking his new sheriff gig. I wonder if it comes with a new uniform._ The image of Cas in a duster, boots, and a cowboy hat with a badge pinned to his lapel floats through his mind and sends a signal right to his crotch. _What if he appeared right behind me in that getup right now? Maybe he'd have read my mind already. He'd rest his hands on my shoulders and lean down to suck at my neck. Then he'd run his hands down over my chest and pull my shirt off over my head. I'd turn around and he'd be wearing nothing underneath his duster. Oh fuck yeah!_ Dean hums in satisfaction at the fantasy and adjusts himself in his pajama pants. Then his expression turns pained. _But that's all it is now, a goddamn fantasy. That's not us anymore. That was never gonna BE us. What were we even thinking?_ He pulls his hand down the length of his face and sets his jaw before getting up to head to the bathroom.

~*~

As Dean left the room, Castiel manifested quietly behind the couch. This scenario had become a ritual: manifesting without alerting Dean to his presence, following Dean into the bathroom, observing him while he masturbated, waiting until he left the bathroom, and finally returning to his work in Heaven. He never masturbated during or after watching Dean, but even so, what he was doing was wrong and he knew it. His guilt had only intensified since he had started working with Crowley, but he could not bring himself to give up the sight of Dean in the throes of passion, even if it had nothing to do with him.

Tonight, however, Dean seemed different. Rather than disrobing and touching himself, he instead skipped right to opening the medicine cabinet and rummaged around until his fingers found a tube of toothpaste. He set it on the sink and reached for his toothbrush, but paused mid-movement. What was he doing? Dean rested his palms on the sides of the sink and stared coldly into the mirror for a moment. His grip tightened on the sides of the sink and he hung his head while gritting his teeth. What was going through Dean's mind? Castiel was about to take a look into Dean's thoughts when an answer to his question unfolded before him. Dean slowly rolled back the sleeve of his t-shirt and stared into the mirror as he ran his fingers along the skin where Castiel's mark had been. He lined his hand up with the approximate location of the mark and let out a soft sigh.

Castiel's curiosity turned to pure heat. Dean had not appeared to be thinking of their relationship even once in all the months he had been watching these late night bathroom sessions. The most common scenarios started with something called Casa Erotica or cartoon drawings of women on Dean's computer. Where was this going? Castiel watched on with deepened interest.

~*~

 _Why'd he have to go and heal it off of me?_ Dean runs his thumb along the curve of his shoulder and gazes into the mirror. _Man, that time he grabbed my shoulder right on his mark and hauled himself onto my lap. Was that really the last time we..._ His shitty mood slams to the surface and reminds him of how much he wants his old life back. Especially the hot angel sex. _Fuck it._ He quickly turns and leaves the bathroom. _I need something more than this normal, apple pie shit._ He stops at his jacket and grabs his keys from the pocket. _I need Cas._

He winces at the cold of the night as he leaves the house and walks toward the door to the garage. His poor, neglected baby greets him from under her tarp as he passes the threshold. _Did ya miss me?_ He runs his hand fondly along the rough fabric at the hood and throws the tarp back so he can get into the driver's seat. What harm could one night of fanaticizing about Cas really do? And fuck, did he need it tonight.

With that thought, Dean leans across the seat and digs around for a minute in the glove box until he finds his old flip phone. With only the moonlight through the garage door as a light source, the glint of the screen is almost blinding as he flips the phone open. He taps at the buttons until he finds the message he saved from all those months ago. The little picture icon sits at the bottom of the screen and his finger hovers over the button. _Just like the first time._ He opens the picture and Cas’s alcohol flushed face stares back at him with a hint of confusion. He smiles fondly and then frowns. _How did we get here? Why is this all I have to remember you by?_ He slides the phone as close to the passenger side as he can while still being able to see Cas on the tiny screen and loosens the waistband of his pajama pants. He traces his fingers along the place where the scar used to be again and cups himself over the fleece of his pants. His head lolls back against the back of the seat. _What did Cas do the last time we fucked?_ Dean looks over at his phone again, but of course the screen has already shut itself off. He closes his eyes and imagines Cas naked and hard and sucking at his neck in the seat next to him. With a groan, he runs his own arm up under his shirt and continues fingering along his shoulder. He slips his cock out of his pants and starts stroking. _He was so fucking desperate for me back then, like nothing else mattered._ Dean digs his fingers into the smooth skin where Castiel’s mark was and picks up the pace of his strokes. 

_Yeah, that’s it, Cas. You want me to fuck you so hard, don’t you?_ Dean imagines Cas nodding into his neck and biting down hard before whisking them both into the back seat. He throws his shirt off over his head and shucks his pants onto the floor before hopping over the seat. _Wait, we need something first._ He hops back over and finds what’s left of his lube in the glove box. He returns to the back seat and gets into position, but leaning over someone who’s imaginary isn’t particularly comfortable. Instead, he rolls over onto his back and mimics Cas’s position before thrusting into his own hand. He can see himself reflected in the darkened window across from him. _Cas would probably have been able to see my back in that same window as I thrust into him. Could I see the same thing if he was...fucking me right now?_ He lets out a moan. They’d never gotten around to that properly, but that didn’t stop Dean from wondering what it would have been like if they had. He makes an experimental pass from the length of his cock down farther, but stops short. He’s never tried this before on himself. He was kind of waiting for Cas so that he could have first dibs or whatever...but it doesn’t seem like that’s in the cards at this point, so why not? He squeezes some lube onto his hand and coats his fingers. With his middle finger all lined up and ready to go, he starts stroking himself again with the other hand while he pushes in.

~*~

Castiel gaped in astonishment at the events unfolding before him. He watched as Dean grew increasingly vigorous with his movements and writhed on the back seat of the Impala. Was he penetrating himself and imagining Castiel there in place of his fingers? It took every ounce of Castiel’s resolve not to manifest naked above Dean and take over. He had not allowed himself to think so deeply on their previous relationship since being brought back the last time. He should not be watching Dean at all, much less watching him do something like this. Dean was no longer his. He had other important matters...very pressing matters...but seeing Dean like this...and knowing that Dean still returned his feelings...but he must not—

“God Cas, ‘feels so fucking good! Fuck me harder! I need you like this!”

Castiel immediately unbuckled his belt and slide his pants down his hips slightly. There was no way he could hold himself back any longer, not after Dean shouted something like that so loudly that he could hear it outside the Impala. He watched as Dean added another of his fingers and let a muffled groan escape his lips. He took his erection in hand and had to stifle a shout. He stumbled and braced himself against the Impala’s frame. With his grace completely restored, the white hot pleasure of this activity was so intense that he was not sure he would be able to continue. He would definitely have to leave before he finished. Otherwise, there would be no mistaking his presence, even for someone in Dean’s current state. He tentatively began gliding up and down his length in time with the thrusts of Dean’s fingers. Even in the low light, Castiel could see the sweat glistening along the ridges of Dean’s abdominal muscles. The sight of him...writhing and moaning in pleasure...with Castiel’s nickname on his lips...it was too much. He had to leave, but just as the thought crossed his mind, Dean’s movements grew erratic and he was spilling all over his own chest. Castiel could not look away. It was all just too much. He let his true voice sound in a sharp cry. His wings unfurled and blinding blue light flashed from his eyes. He finally flew off, but too late. Even though he had been invisible, Dean would not be able to easily dismiss the characteristic signs of his climax, especially not with the addition of the piercing light of his grace. 

Castiel landed in a clearing nearby and righted his clothing. What had he done? He decided then and there to end this ritual of intruding on Dean’s life. It would cause them both nothing but pain. Suddenly, Dean’s voice sounded in his head. He was...praying? Dean had not prayed to him since before they had averted the apocalypse.

“Castiel, who art probably in Heaven...I just had a really messed up night...week...month. Hell, my whole life is fucked up right now. I...don’t know what to do anymore. I just miss you so fucking much. I...look, I know this probably sounds pretty weird, but if you were just in Lisa's garage, can you please come back? I just want to talk. ...Come on, Cas. Please? I need you.”

Castiel buried his face in his hands. What had he done?

~*~


End file.
